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The reader who was put off by a social media manager bantering with her father on the company’s Facebook feed brought it up in a meeting. After a “brief, jokey discussion,” the department head declared it “cute.”
“In the end, I couldn’t take that (and oh, so many other things) and I resigned” four months later, the reader said. The bantering, presumably, continues.
Stepping back and reflecting kept one reader from rage-retiring from a job spanning decades. The reader’s husband had been hired by the same employer, but quit after a few tense, conflict-filled years.
“I really appreciated your advice to think about my needs — not his, not the owners’ or the manager’s. That helped me recognize all the things I was not responsible for,” the reader reported. In the end, “I have a great job, it pays well, with plenty of autonomy, and I don’t want to walk away from that.”
The reader also took the time to tease out the causes of anger: “I originally wrote that my husband was ‘not blameless,’ but as I stepped back … he really did nothing wrong. In letting go of my anger with him, I can see my anger at everyone else involved will fade over time, too. My trust in the owners is shaken … but I’m not feeling it so personally anymore.”
It’s rare that life ties things up with a tidy bow, but a few readers had better-than-expected outcomes.
The worker whose boss, “Paul,” was creating a toxic, distrustful environment through constant back-channel communications reported an organizational shake-up that changed the political dynamic: “Paul’s boss and the senior colleague who protected Paul’s poor behavior got moved to other departments, so Paul no longer had much power or allies,” the reader reported. Another colleague ended up in charge and began trying to change the culture that had enabled Paul’s bullying. The reader has since been promoted and heard that Paul is receiving managerial training.
“A boss who is a bully should be a dealbreaker,” the reader concluded. “I’m glad I didn’t have to leave and it resolved itself for now.”
The reader who had requested in-house mediation to resolve pre-pandemic conflict with a new boss ultimately decided it was unnecessary after the boss’s personality improved unexpectedly: “The boss has kept the same kind temperament for the last few years and has given me glowing reviews on my performance.” The reader has likewise given the boss strong reviews in upward feedback surveys. (Bob Cratchit, eat your heart out.)
Advance planning and supportive teammates meant the world to a new hire with invisible disabilities who was anxious about supporting the employer’s annual conference. “I probably had baggage from previous poorly fitting jobs in which health limitations were not considered or cared for,” the reader acknowledged. But the new employer took an entirely different approach.
The reader started discussions with managers about how to optimize performance within their physical capacity and provided clinical notes to HR with recommendations. “Without needing to know the details of my conditions, my managers helped map out sessions and [schedule] me appropriately” — for example, by assigning consecutive sessions in the same room, the reader reported.
The employer also put the reader up at a nearby hotel and gently enforced scheduled breaks. Afterward, the reader debriefed management and HR on what worked — and notes that HR is pushing to provide more breaks for all staff at next year’s conference.
“I hope [the column] helped others in similar situations … especially those with more invisible disabilities,” the reader concluded.
The reader who found work as a used-car-lot attendant more rewarding than his pre-pandemic profession said he “did some soul-searching” after reading the column and comments. After being laid off from an architectural design job, he said, he was slow to try reentering the field because he was “tired of the office politics” and enjoyed working outdoors with cars in a lower-stress environment.
However, he said, “I also realized … I need to move forward and improve my financial situation.” When he broached the subject with his boss, the response was beyond all expectations — an offer of a raise, the use of a car from the lot for commuting and on-the-job training to become a mechanic. He now intends to move to a more affordable apartment and sell his own car to make ends meet.
The boss asked why he hadn’t spoken up sooner. “Maybe I am too passive,” the reader said. “I need to be proactive in seeking what I want.”
The workplace in turmoil over whether to open a lactation room to other uses has reached détente — for now. The reader who wrote about the situation said the man who wanted to use the pumping room to recover from overstimulation has since been given a private office, and the previously public Slack channel for scheduling breastmilk-pumping sessions is now private and moderated so only nursing workers have access.
The reader noted that the solution isn’t perfect; there are no more private offices if another employee needs a recovery space, and other employees in shared workspaces may resent their colleague’s private accommodations. Finding the budget and space to create a general-use comfort room with amenities comparable to the lactation room’s “is a priority for 2024,” the reader reported. “The way this spun out and led to people taking sides and ugly accusations is something we hope to avoid in the future.”
Finally, a blast from the past: Remember Grace, the teenager who successfully protested unequal pay at her summer lifeguarding job?
“I ended up writing my Common App college admissions essay about that whole experience and how I learned that our voices do matter and can make a difference,” she said. “I’m currently studying biomedical engineering at [an Ivy League institution] and hope someday I may make a difference, too.”
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